Directions for use:

It’s funny the things you can still learn about yourself when you think you’ve got the whole ‘you’ thing figured out.

For example…

I really love settling in for a night of reality TV. I get teary eyed when a fireman is acknowledged for a heroic act. I hate the smell of calcium citrate and sometimes I’m frightened by religious people. This last one is due to the rash of town hall meetings where the religious right were seen screaming things about one nation under god – bla, bla, bla I’m going to blow your head off if the government tries to mess with my Medicare yada, yada, yada.

While I’m not necessarily proud of all of these things, they are new discoveries to me.

These items were not listed in the original supplement facts of Laura and need to be added to the ingredient list. I don’t think I’m unique or unusual in this way; in fact I’m fairly certain that when we pay attention the daily observations about ourselves and each other can be startling, fresh and sometimes blow-your-hair-back cool.

So, don’t print the label just yet. We should never assume we have everything all figured out. It’s never that tidy.

Without getting too personal or revealing too much I’ll just say there is a new ingredient that can be added to the list. It’s the kind of thing that if my life was a movie (and I often think it is) when this particular thing is mentioned you might hear the sound of a needle being pulled across a record and then shocked silence. That’s a least what is going on inside my head.

I’ll use an example from the old days. I use to have to hear about a woman named Brenda. The details aren’t important now, but as time went by, whenever Brenda was mentioned the sound I heard inside my head was Brend-Duh. Everything else ceased. If you listened close you could probably hear the gears grinding to a stop inside my head. I’m no Fossil Abacus Smart Watch with a rechargeable battery. Think Tin man whose lifeline demands you grab for the oil can. Time stopped. Crickets chirped. All the witty repartee I’m normally so proud of vanished into thin air; unable to think of the next thing to say or hide emotion on my face. Soon Brend-Duh was always present – whether spoken or unspoken. It didn’t take me long to realize she probably always would be. She was the third wheel.

Or was I?

I have many talents in life. I can sing on key. I’m a people person who makes friends easily. I volunteer my time. I know how to do shots of tequila. What I’m not so good at? I suck at picking up on the obvious. You might say I’m a little slow on the uptake. How do I add this brain ceasing, mood altering ingredient to the supplement facts of Laura? Maybe it could be listed as a warning. Something in code about Pavlov’s dog. The involuntary reflex action that happens on my face when a certain word is mentioned, coupled with the sudden loss of brain activity. This is a frightening condition. The problem is the triggers are not always well known – even to me. However even when they are identified and discussed it’s often the case that the word is still said again and again – you know – the elephant in the room thing…and pretty soon I’m acting all irrationally, drooling a little and being treated like a delicate brain injury victim. Be afraid, back away, she’s overly emotional and sensitive and we have no clue why. Sure, that’s what you’re thinking.

My guess is the Pavlov dog hitch in my otherwise balanced contents list could be managed once the trigger is identified. In this particular case I’m well familiar with the trigger; the word that makes my brain activity flat line. Maybe if I keep Dove dark chocolate at the ready to be used as a positive condition to the negative trigger I can maintain my sanity and brain activity?! The problem is that of the Tin Man – someone had to work the oil can for him – he couldn’t do it himself. He was stuck. Hopefully I can eventually figure this thing out. Make sense?