great weekend with the worse moment of my professional career ever...

Friday night I played poker with 7 ladies in Prior Lake. However, these ladies are no ladies at the poker table. They play together weekly and their sweetness melts away as soon as the money changes hands and the chips are passed out. They scare me. Yet - after a three hour run of Texas Hold em I was the last woman standing. I took first place and Kay took 2nd! We brought a little Prior Lake money back to Red Wing. It was fantastic.

During the last hour  or so I was making noises about being a single woman who couldn't afford to heat my house and that I had to eat crackers and cheese for dinner and heat my bed with a heating pad because I sleep alone and it's freezing. Bla, bla, bla. They didn't care. They tried to steal the sweater off my back. But I prevailed! My biggest mistakes was waving the 80 bucks around after I won and bragging about how it was just enough to pay for my facial the next day. oops.

Saturday morning I headed to Cannon Falls to drive my friend Linda to her hair appointment in Northfield. She is still recovering from brain surgery and gets tired easily and is having massive headaches. She got her hair done, I got my facial (fabulous!) and then we had lunch at Froggy Bottoms - much better in the summer because of the balcony over looking the river, but great food and a fun atmosphere inside too.  I had some sort of mandarin orange, chicken and pecan salad that had a gorgeous dressing.  

Then - after dropping Linda off at home for her nap, I received the worse news of my professional career (can't go in to it here) and decided my only option was a little retail therapy at the MOA.  grrrrr  But, I felt better after walking the mall and spending a little cash.  My options were limited in my need for therapy as my level off pissed offness was off the charts.  Retail therapy was the safe bet. Tomorrow we'll do what is becoming more and more normal - damage control.

The Grammy's tonight - just watched Elton John perform with Lady Gaga....interesting.  I'm hoping Dave Matthews wins for best album, but either way I'll get to see the band perform.

Monday tomorrow....ready or not.

H1N1 isn't going to get me...

Got my vaccine at work today. A single shot to the left arm. If my tongue swells or I have any trouble breathing I'm suppose to call someone as that's pretty rare and serious. However, the nurse did mention that it's fairly common to experience some minor symptoms.

She didn't know who she was dealing with. Can we define 'minor' please?

Actually, I'm not too worried. Low grade fever....you're not the boss of me. A little cold....ha!

Some people didn't take advantage of a free vaccine delivered to us at our work place. Conspiracy theory type people just can't trust. Communist plot. Creation of diseases. Racist oppression. I don't know what their deal is.

It's been a few hours and I'm symptom free - the swelling and breathing problems apparently happen rather quickly. I'll probably live.

sure, I'm obsessing about it - that's what I do!

Life teaches us things about ourselves in the most unexpected ways, doesn't it?   I promised myself I would say 'no' more often in 2010 and carefully schedule my time and activities so as not to be overwhelmed.  Like most women I tend to think I can do everything and at the end of week am left scratching my head and wondering what the f happened.

The trickier side of saying 'no' is saying no when I'm simply not being fed emotionally in a way that is supportive and positive. Whoa – big life lesson ahead! With nothing tangible to wrap my cold, dry fingers around, this is a life lesson much more difficult to process.  Saying no, trusting my feelings and anything that needs to ‘end’ have been interesting life lessons so far this year.

At 47 years old I'm finally confident about what I need emotionally in my relationships. Kind of… Whether a friend or romantic interest, I expect that my emotional needs are taken seriously and not dismissed as irrelevant.  This is hard for a woman who is constantly assessing her feelings. I think it's a matter of trust.  Not trust in someone else - but trust in myself. My feelings are not wrong.  My feelings are the core of who I am.  My feelings are important.  Yep, I have to say it to myself again and again to believe it.  

So, what I’ve learned is that trusting my feelings is a work in progress. Also, that endings, by design, suck.  Even if you are the one insisting on the it. I tend to avoid reading the last page of a book until I'm emotionally ready to deal with it. Especially if it’s a book I love.  I'm a critic so it’s easy for me to complain that it should have been more meaningful or glamorous or insightful.  Same goes in life.  I want the ‘endings’ to teach me something or reveal some magical enlightenment.  It seems I don’t make a move without wondering about the lesson, wondering what the ending will look like and then avoiding it as long as possible.  

The lesson in my most recent ‘ending’ you ask?  Don’t just believe what someone thinks of you, especially if it is said (or written) in anger.  

Stating what doesn’t work for you is important and necessary. I’m proud of the ending I brought about because it was meant to honor both people involved. Wasting time in something that simply isn’t working isn’t healthy for either party.  However, somehow in that process my character was desecrated in anger. I’m all ears to constructive criticism shared with love and respect.  Those who truly love me have no problem telling me when I’m obsessing over something, talking too much, laughing too loud etc.  The list could go on and on. But the desecrating hit hard and deep, like a rifle shot from behind.  Did that have to be a part of the ending? 

I guess the other lesson is I can’t control someone else’s reaction when I articulate what I need.  At the end of the day I have to ask myself – was I kind? Honest? Genuine?  Did I ‘first do no harm?’  Well, that’s a matter of perspective I guess and only time will tell.  

Thank god for Mondays

A week ago I posted my resolve to open mail every day, throw away the junk, read the magazines and send a check immediately to anyone requesting money.  As I said, most of my bills are paid online so that stuff that comes through the slot on my porch use to have about a 90% chance of being ignored.

After having a really tough Saturday (annual workshop at the office), the last thing I wanted to do in the few hours before our banquet was look at mail.  But...look I did.   Every day I've averaged 2 to 3 pieces of mail, most of which ended in the recycle bin.  Today - there is nothing, nada, not one thing to look at.  I'm actually a little disappointed.  So, one week in and all is well in the mail department.

This weekend I spent about five hours at a workshop,  played in my first euchre tournament, attended our annual employee appreciation banquet, went out dancing for a few hours and had dinner and watched the Vikings/Saints football game at a friends house.  Best weekend of the year, but I'm tired now and just want to sit.  The dog has been ignored and it's too icy to get much of a walk in.  I'm ready for Spring, but really hate wishing away time -  especially over weather.

Today I hosted a going away party for one of my employees.  He's a audio/visual tech and has decided to follow his passion, jump off the safe job cliff and start his own video business. He's talented, young, interesting and a hoot to be around.  We are really going to miss him.

Did I mention that I watched football this week.  Yeah, I know.  The whole game.  Overtime too.  It was fantastic.  I know, I know.  Seriously - it was fun.  The key - watching with cool, fun people and drinking lots of beer.  Sadly the outcome of the game wasn't what we hoped for.

I also let go of the bumper of a moving car. (life analogy ahead).  The car was locked, the car was moving and I was hanging on to the bumper.  Heard this on a t.v. show.  I hoped the driver would stop the car, get out and help me in, or at the very least slow down and unlock the door.  The car kept moving, the door stayed lock and eventually I had to let go of the bumper as it was starting to get painful bouncing along like that.  No more bumpers for me.

If I don't create them, I don't have to keep them

New Year's Resolution 2010 - gotta add one more to the list.  I have a secret.  A horrifying little secret that terrifies me on a regular basis – usually in the form of an anxiety attack at 2:00 a.m.

Mail.

Snail mail.

That stinking pile of envelopes, magazines, advertisements, flyers and newspapers haunts me in my sleep.  I pile it into baskets or grocery bags.  Tuck it away in closets and promise myself I will go through it...soon...as soon as I have time....tomorrow, maybe the weekend.  Inevitably Sunday night comes and it’s still untouched and mocking me from wherever I have hidden it in my perfectly organized and clean house.  My dirty secret.

That is until this past Sunday.  It took a three day holiday weekend for me to face over two months worth of untouched mail.  I know!  The horrors.  I wanted to go out shopping, take pictures of eagles, watch a movie, eat chocolate and take the dog on a hike.  I didn’t do any of it until I faced my devil.

I took my stash out of its hiding place (and there were many). Dumped it all on my perfectly made bed (I mention that in defense of my otherwise very organized lifestyle) took a deep breath , made a pot of coffee, plucked my eyebrows, gave myself a manicure, rearranged the socks in my sock drawer, looked through 4 or 5 books that I want to start next, leafed through a magazine and then…without further delay (and a little self scolding to get on with it) I dug in.

One pile for junk, one pile for things needing my attention.  I opened everything.  I filled two paper bags with junk and carried a nice, neat little pile to my desk of things needing my attention.  What the….  Why do I do this to myself?  Two hours on a beautiful Sunday I will never get back.  The devil was not waiting for me in that pile.  Nothing scary, nothing I can’t handle, no big deal.

So, the resolution part you ask? I will open my mail every day.  I will open my mail every day.  I will open my mail every day.

I placed a recycled bin next to my mailbox.  Check.  Go to the mail, throw the junk away.  I can do this.

I placed a shoebox with my check book, stamps and pen near the mailbox.  Go to the mailbox, write a check for anyone needing money (now is your chance), stick a stamp on it and put back in the mailbox.  Check.  I can do this.

This weekend I will select the paperless option on everything I pay online. I will also go paperless on my bank site so that I stop receiving all those statements that I don't need (or ever look at).  Receiving these things via snail mail seems archaic.

So today….Day 1 of this wild new ride I’m on called responsible mail recipient.  I came home…went to the mailbox….opened my mail.  (3 pieces – a thing of beauty) and dealt with it.  There was even a coupon for Barnes and Noble.  How cool is that?

Tomorrow is Day 2 – wish me luck.  Oh, and as for resolutions…..well….

yes, and I'm very grateful!

MPR was asking listeners today if a day off of work was the best way to honor MLK day.  Well, those of us who had the day off would certainly say YES.  

One of my dearest friends had surgery today so I spent mine honoring her and her family by taking her to the hospital and sitting with her sister all day until we got word that all went well.  Admittedly, I didn't think of the life and work of Martin Luther King much.  Instead I sat in a surgery waiting room with lots of families.  Every time a surgeon entered the room our eyes would follow him to the family members anxiously waiting for news of their loved ones.  It was a good day in that waiting room.  Sighs of relief, smiles and thank you's  filled the room.  I witnessed compassionate, humble doctors patiently explaining procedures and reassuring families that all went very well.  We likewise received the same news.  

I'm not sure what  her life will be like with 5 yards of coiled steel in her body (airports could be an issue), but the aneurysm has had its life line cut off and hopefully her eye sight will improve and the double vision will go away. 

So, did I spend MLK day the way I wanted to...

It's that time of year - time to take down my pretty Christmas tree.  It's also time to think about a new year, resolutions and exciting new beginnings.  As I sweep, pack and haul away all that was 2009, I'm energized as I think about 2010.  Like most people I have some resolutions - improved eating and spending habits, but more importantly an improved sense of who I am and what I want to accomplish this year.

My goals included improving my photography skills, reading more, staying true to what I love and the kinds of people I want to spend my time with.  I'm also learning to say no, stop doing things that don't work for me and surrounding myself with exciting, energized, positive and passionate people.

Thanks Martin Luther King, Jr.

I love three day holidays!  Especially this early in the year.  Easing gently into full work weeks after the holidays is a lot of pressure and I'm due a little "more" time off!  :)

What to do....  So far I have a full Friday, Saturday and Saturday night planned.  Sunday is filled with many possibilities, yet unplanned at this point (just the way I like my Sunday's) and Monday I'll be spending the day at Abbott Northwestern while a very dear friend has surgery.  I suppose I'll spend part of Sunday taking Christmas down around my house.  I've loved my Christmas tree, but its been on display since before Thanksgiving so I'm ready to pack it away.

It's going to be a mild winter weekend too so I'll get down to Colvill and get a few more photos of the eagles as they nest and fish and take Lily on a nice long hike.

So, a tribute to King (thanks for the long weekend) and a few sentences from his mountaintop speech (he was killed the day after this speech):

And then I got to Memphis. And some began to say the threats, or talk about the threats that were out. What would happen to me from some of our sick white brothers? Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn't matter with me now. Because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land. So I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord.

—Martin Luther King, Jr.

Scenes along the river

The address reads Pine Street on the sign...

-12 in Red Wing

to see the eagles in the tree click to enlarge

Winter shots from Red Wing

tiger's wife mad

Everyday I receive an email from the Urban Dictionary  with a new urban word of the day.  Today it's "tiger's wife mad".  Poor Tiger Woods. I haven't followed the story closely, but apparently he is up to over 12 lovers.  Is this arrogance or some other human deficiency?   Who knows?

The troubling thing to me is the following quote from his late father.

"He's qualified through his ethnicty to accomplish miracles.  He's the bridge between the East and the West. There is no limit because he has the guidance.  I don't know yet exactly what form this will take.  But he is the Chosen One."

Huh?  The Chosen One?

Talk about great expectations for your son.  To me he's just a guy with an amazing talent who had too much attention lavished on him since he was a little boy hitting balls on the Mike Douglas show.  I might be a little tiger's wife mad at my parents for that stinky load of crap.

If you want your children to have a peaceful life, 

let them suffer a little hunger and a little coldness.

 Chinese Proverb

Christmas Time is here...

Yesterday while out shopping I discovered a bra that claimed to be age defying.  I didn't buy it.  I like age defying moisturizers and lipstick, but the age defying bra sounded painful. However, a little pain might have done some of the women we encountered out on Minnesota dance floors this weekend some good. Seriously, the cautionary tale of not running with scissors comes to mind, only modified to say no aggressive dancing without a good support bra.  You could put on eye out with those things. Ah, but who am I to judge...

So two nights in a row dancing and I'm seriously behind on Christmas stuff.  While we did do the shopping necessary for a Christmas party coming up this week - pj's for the kids in the abused children program at the Friendship House - the wrapping will need to be completed today. Every year my Kiwanis club takes kids (each holding a list of their family members) shopping at the dollar store. The first year we did this I was a non-believer.  What good could possibly come from buying something for a dollar to give to your little brother, mom or grandma?  Have you been in a dollar store lately?  It's a blast!  The kids love it! The things you can discover about a kid while they agonize over the glass jewelry box in the shape of a dolphin and some body splash is truly amazing.  I can only hope the receiver of these little gifts accepts them in the spirit in which they are given. After an hour of shopping we then go back to the Friendship house and wrap the presents and eat pizza.  The kids are then sent home with gifts to put under the tree for the family.  If life is measured by "the bang for your buck", (an expression I loath) then this is a success.  This year our club decided it would be nice to send the kids home with their own gift.  Who doesn't love new jammies?  Although a gift card for each kid might have been more practical (sizes of 5, 6 and 7 year olds that you don't know is kinda tricky), we decided climbing into bed with a gift card had way less of an impact then tricked out Transformer jammes (or whatever they were).

So, I'll finish up with my Christmas tree and wrap the jammies and hopefully find a delightful Christmas movie to watch on the Hallmark or TCM channel.  I've seen some doozies so far this year.

Into The Wild - revisited

Last night I watched the movie Into The Wild again and remembered that I wrote about it here.  I still love this movie - everything about it, the characters found while filming on location, the music, the scenery.  It rates right up there as one of my all time favorite movies.

More about the real Chris McCandless here.

I don't pretend to understand what motivated this kid, in fact I think he might have been a little crazy.  I like heat, food, soft pillows and clean sheets way too much to live the way he did.  But still...the adventurer in him, along with his love of great literature is irresistible.

Three Bean and Beef Chili

Today we are making chili from this recipe.  Had some discussion and confusion about the chipotle chili in adobo sauce - what the heck is that?  We found it in the ethnic section of the grocery store and have enough adobo sauce to make a few more pots.  Chili is simmering and smelling fantastic.  I've actually had this chili before (a lady from work made it), so I know it's good.  Good for ya too!

Food Network:  Three Bean and Beef Chili 
1 Tablespoon olive oil
1 onion, diced (1 cup)
1 red bell pepper, diced (1 cup)
2 carrots, diced (1/2 cup)
2 teaspoon ground cumin
1 pound extra-lean ground beef (90 percent)
1 (28 oz) can crushed tomatoes
2 cups water
1 chipotle chili in adobo sauce, seeded and minced
2 teaspoons adobo sauce from the can of chipotles
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 (15.5-oz) can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 (15.5-oz) can kidney beans, drained and rinsed
1 (15.5-ox) can pinto beans, drained and rinsed

Heat the oil in large pot or Dutch oven over moderate heat.  Add the onion, bell pepper and carrots, cover and cook, stirring occasionally until the vegetables are soft, about 10 minutes.  Add the cumin and cook, stirring, for 1 minute.  Add the ground beef; raise the heat to high and cook, breaking up the meat with a spoon, until the meat is no longer pink.  Stir in tomatoes, water, chipotle and adobo sauce, oregano and salt and pepper.  Cook, partially covered, stirring from time to time for 30 minutes.  Stir in the beans and continue cooking, partially covered, 20 minutes longer.  Season, to taste, with salt and pepper.

Recipe Summary:  10 cups (serves 8, serving size 1 1/4 cup)


Nutrition Information
Nutritional Analysis per serving
Total fat: 0 grams
Protein: 22 grams
Fiber: 10 grams
Calories: 295
Saturated fat: 2.5 grams
Carbohydrates: 35 grams

this old house

I'm painting my bedroom today.  It was a soft lavender and I'm half way to crisp linen.  There was a chair rail that went around the room closer to the ceiling then the floor (strange) and I ripped that out today too.  I'm not sure every trace of the chair rail will be removed, but I'm spackle'd and sanded so there's not much else I can do.

A fellow blogger had a link to a cool website with vinyl wall decals that I love!  Check it out.  I have a few different places around the house (besides the bedroom) that I'm thinking of putting one of these.

OnBoard RedWing

High speed rail to Red Wing? I hope so...

...and 25 years ago I had a baby!

There were flurries on October 29, 1984 when we drove to Ramsey Medical Center.  The contractions started sometime during the night and by morning I was exhausted and wanting to go to the hospital.  We lived in a big, old house in St. Paul - our apartment was on the top floor and we used a skeleton key to access our four little rooms.  That morning I sat on the top step, dressed and waiting for my husband.  He had to tie my shoes.  Every 10-12 minutes or so I would have a contraction so in-between we hurried to the car.

In the suitcase my husband carried to the car was a brand new white/blue robe (that I still have) and matching slippers.  I had hand lotion, lip gloss, magazines, a book and playing cards. The maternity ward was busy that day and I never made it to a birthing room.  Those wonderful family birthing rooms were a fairly new concept back then and sadly I never saw the inside of one.  My room was really a check-in room, used for over flow.  I was comfortable, but there were no amenities for family. We walked the halls and practiced our Lamaze breathing. The television was on, but I don't recall what, if anything, we were watching. 

The morning quickly turned to afternoon and at one point, while I was still arranged neatly on the bed, the door to my room opened at the same time as the door across the hall.  The image I saw haunts me still today.  I whispered to the doctor..."What's wrong with that lady?" He said happily "She's having a baby!"  She was on all fours; her hair was flung forward, her hospital gown tangled around her.  She was making animal noises and a couple of nurses were fussing around her bed.  I was horrified.  Nothing that unladylike had ever occurred to me would be a part of bringing a baby into the world. I was told she was fine and this was all but normal.  Now I'm thinking - uhoh - I should have asked for drugs. 

Stacy Jo was born at 4:06 p.m.  Although I begged at one time for an epidural, it was too far past the time to administer one and I had signed papers previously agreeing to natural childbirth.  What an idiot. Yet, she arrived safely - just under 6 lbs and perfect in every way.  

Less than 24 hours later I was home with this delightful little ball of head and blanket. It's hard for me to believe so much time has past...

Monster Mash

...a little Halloween dance with some friends.  Click on the link...  :)


http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/fQ4ZuGGK5hW7smLH

Pretty Red Wing from Memorial Park